Embodiment: Storytelling as Resistance & Resonance

  • I believe there is power in the personal, and much to learn from listening deeply to others. I aim for Embodiment to contribute to positive visibility for marginalized voices. Popular media often depicts marginalized communities through images, videos and narratives that can be very damaging. Through my photography and accompanying interviews, I am interested in a counter-narrative which showcases people presenting their own experiences through a framework of resilience. 

    From 2016 to 2017 I conducted 22 interviews, 18 of which were written responses and four as in-person audio recordings. I reached out to people in my communities–artists, queers, academics, social justice organizers, activists, non-conformers—and presented them with a series of questions that asked for reflection on their lived experiences. This series contains excerpts from their answers. Text is featured heavily in order to highlight each individual’s story and invite you to learn pieces of their life instead of making assumptions based on appearance. I photographed on 35mm film in California, Massachusetts, and New York across seven cities. I am bringing attention to the importance of storytelling as a way to understand the past, to learn about our current culture, and to imagine a collective future. We all have a story, but our many systems and structures of oppression have willfully silenced so many. It is my hope that Embodiment can help us remember the power of being seen and heard.

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For it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken. 
-Audre Lorde

  • What do you fear?

    I fear there not being enough. I fear being in pain. I fear having to choose to leave my soul outside certain spaces that I believe I have to be in to make money. I fear violence. I fear hatred. I fear violation of my space. I fear fear and the things it does and makes me do.

    Where do you feel the strongest sense of belonging?

    In dance. When I am dancing I remember who I am. When I am with my family. When I am with my sisters.

    Where do you see yourself/your stories represented?

    In books about Nubian Queens. In stories about the sacredness of the wild woman. In nature. In dance. In eyes.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    I feel that my spirit is silenced. My sexuality as the movement of my spirit is silenced. My sacredness and wisdom as a woman is silenced. In this culture, spirit is not necessarily always recognized and often seen as a personal belief or opinion. My spirit feels so angry at being silenced and even its existence debated and misunderstood!

    What does America represent to you?

    It represents a big painful question and a collaborative answering.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I would describe myself as someone who tends to feel out of place, but at the same time happy to be different. I'm outgoing, impulsive, emotional, non confrontational (sometimes to my disadvantage), an introvert.

    What feels most urgent to you right now?

    Making sure my rent and all other bills are paid. As well as making sure my mental health is stable, because I often forget how important it is to feel good.

    In what environments do you feel most comfortable?

    I feel most comfortable when I am around other people who feel that they don't fit in with society's standard of beauty, fashion, and sexuality. I also feel at ease when I know I am surrounded by someone who is aware of social injustices, issues POC face, feminism, etc. I don't like to be around people who live in bubbles not aware of all the problems surrounding this world, I feel totally judged and insecure.

    In what communities are you most accepted?

    I feel I am most accepted in the festival community. I have met hundreds of people at events and through social media, who enjoy the same music styles as I do. I've made friendships with people who live across the country. I've discovered a lot about myself and the type of people that inspire me. I've traveled to amazing cities. It all happened because of our mutual love for music.

    When do you feel you are most yourself?

    I feel I am most myself when I'm alone in my room about to fall asleep. That's when I'm not on my phone, just laying in silence. That's usually when I start to think about my life, everything I am, and how I've changed over the years. I feel like that is the time I come face to face with the true person I am.

  • Are there any ways in which you refuse to conform? If so, what do you resist?

    I refuse to conform through my hair and food choices. I resist white beauty standards through my hair. I have had dreads since I was born and have never chosen to cut or untangle them. I am so attached to my dreads because they have been with me through life, and I couldn't imagine a world without it. They are very much tied to my identity. Similarly, I resist through my vegetarian, almost vegan food choices. I was raised Rastafarian, and although I am no longer religious, I respect the lifestyle and methodologies of Rasta culture, and the health benefits of being a vegetarian, along with the stigma of being a black vegetarian/vegan.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    I consider myself resilient, I have been through a lot of trauma, and have survived. I've survived to be okay with myself most mornings, and to keep living. Resilient means to me not breaking down when you easily could, or the opportunity to do so presents itself, but to keep going- finishing that semester, continuing to go to the several jobs you keep, feeding yourself and rubbing lotion on your body, finding time for self care, and speaking out about trauma/difficulties.

    Where do you see yourself/your stories represented?

    Blackness and the black identity is becoming more visible now that it's become fashionable to be black, to be radical, and activist. There's more transparency towards the past- especially with the privilege of having access to academic resources or just simply the internet. Daily I see visual representations of myself in alternative art media outlets, void of trauma, which is revolutionary and stabilizing.

    When do you feel you are most yourself?

    I feel most myself in the Fall, with the glowing orange hues, and the bright golden sunlight that bathes into the window and reminds me of how truly grateful I am for myself, for surviving, for the people around me, and for being able to enter each day like it's another chance at being better.

  • What is a daily challenge for you?

    Right now in my life, it would be this fear of losing feminine space. When I wake up I need to be in contact with people, and my people are all femme identified beings in the world. But because I'm so hyper aware of my body and how I impact people and their feelings, going into feminine spaces I'm just thinking about myself--how I should be acting and how people are looking at me- and I'm not even present with all the support it's giving me already. Everyday I wake up and go to the kitchen and I hug my mom and I think about--oh wow, does she think she's hugging a son now? Or does she still think she's hugging our past relationship? Or is she hugging me? Or who does she think she's hugging, and I just want that hug.

    Where do you see yourself or your stories represented?

    This question is leaning more towards my trans* stories. I think it would be places like Gender Justice LA, where I worked. Being around trans people and talking about being intimate. Being at GJLA was the first time that I ever got to hear stories about being trans*masculine and about how to be intimate with someone! And to resonate with folks about intimacy and all of the tiny little fucking details that seep into the mind and sandwich between your body, hyper awareness, and your partner's feelings. The wild part was I got to hear those stories over and over and over again for two summers.

    What does it mean to be an American?

    To me, it's about resisting and fighting for not just one collective narrative but many collective narratives. It means with my identities and my narratives I hold in my life and in my family's lives, taking those that give me power and using them in ways to create more space for people to be liberated in multiple different ways. And for people to define what liberation means for themselves. So for me being an American is using my privileges to make space for people to decide, determine and share their own stories.

  • In what environments do you feel most comfortable?

    Somewhere where I can find a hiding spot. I need somewhere where I won't be bothered and I can relax into all my weird little private habits. I need a physical escape not just at home but in any environment I'm in.

    Where do you feel the strongest sense of belonging?

    With my family. There is no other prerequisite to belonging than my presence. I belong automatically. And I know this feeling and sense will be eternal. Even though, growing up, I sometimes felt like I didn't fit in or I could never be fully myself with them.

    When do you feel you are most yourself?

    At the end of a very good day. The sense of accomplishment. Of having lived out the full spectrum of myself. Of having facilitated the enjoyment of others. Of having utilized every second to its fullest most electric potential. Of having spent every second in fluid, serendipitous joyous perception of life. Of having made a difference. Of having given positivity, love and lightness to others.

    What does it mean to be an American?

    To pick up where my ancestors left off. To discover the truths of this country, to protect them and actively acknowledge them. To make everything visible. To never fall prey to its illusions. To always dispel the hype. To thrive beyond its systems, to thrive in face of its systems, to thrive within its systems, to remedy its systems. To count the many blessings I receive here and do my part to avenge the victims of all its evils. To give back, to care, to support universally. To follow my own measures of time. To love in the face of hatred. To thrive in the face of hatred. To bless in the face of hatred and believe in God. To have faith. To put on for my people, fulfill my potential, utilize my talents without shame or hesitation. To be happy, healthy and fulfilled. To engender the health, happiness and fulfillment of everyone and everything. To be hospitable.

  • What is a daily challenge for you?

    Sometimes waking up is hard. Getting out of bed. Maintaining self care and motivation. My greatest challenge is stability, whether it is mental, physical, financial or otherwise. Even when I feel O.K., there is a constant compulsion for balance.

    In what communities are you most accepted?

    I haven't had much trouble finding acceptance in the communities I have inhabited, seeing that they are predominantly wealthy and white. I'm guessing it's easy to overlook where you aren't welcome when the way for you is paved and gilded. At the same time, the community I grew up and currently reside in does not necessarily reflect or accept my ideologies, my preferences, or my cultural identity.

    When do you feel you are most yourself?

    I feel I am most myself when I am with people that I can share anything with and never once fear judgment or paternalistic argumentation. When I trust that the company is willing to listen and empathize with my experiences, I trust that I can be my true self.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    I feel pressure to keep quiet when having conversations about my mental disorder and asking for assistance. I feel like my experience as a woman has been silenced if not muffled and twisted. I feel like my experience as an empath, being emotional and intuitive, is discouraged and seen as frivolous or detrimental. As a bisexual woman I feel I am silenced by both those in and out of the LGBTQIA community, by the "authenticity" of my sexuality being called into question.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    Resilience to me means to be strong no matter how many times you're knocked down. I think I am both resilient and not resilient. Yes, because I have fought many battles, mostly against myself, and have won. No, because I still ask myself if I can fight it at the beginning of every battle. I might get up after winning the fight but that doesn't stop me from wanting to tap out.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    Definitely awkward. I've always felt out of place because of my looks and character. I have features that are unique because of my ethnic background. Because I'm super tall, I stand out next to the majority of my friends. I tend to do and say weird things that I am not really embarrassed of, but have recognized that some of these things are embarrassing to others. 

    What do you fear?

    Living life but missing my chance to really live life. Being so busy focused on the future that I'm not enjoying the present. I'm scared I'm going to wake up old wishing I had done things I never got to do. 

    When do you feel you are most yourself? 

    When I am in environments free of judgement, when people admire my flaws and not belittle me for them.

    Where do you find support in your daily life?

    Emotional support from friends and family is very minimal. I get through most emotional struggles on my own. I very gratefully receive financial support through school and government but other than that I work a couple of days a week. In all I mostly support myself. 

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced? 

    Yes. Having been raised that family is #1, to respect my elders, and to never talk back to my parents has (many times) put me in a position where I feel silenced. Like I have plans or ideas of my own but the parents are supposedly always looking out for our best interest and that our opinion is "silly".

    What brings you comfort?

    When people know about my deeper issues but still find pleasure in hanging out with me .

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I believe that I'm an introverted person. It's hard for me to interact with people because they make me feel so nervous and anxious, but I try to maintain a positive and friendly personality. Music really helps me cope throughout the day. I don't really like being noticed, but I appreciate when people reach out to me, even when I don't know how to respond. Although I try to stay determined and optimistic, underneath it all, I always feel kind of down, especially within the culture that we live in.

    Where do you feel the strongest sense of belonging?

    I'm not sure. I don't think I've found where I belong yet. I know I like being around books and clothes. I like being surrounded by things that allow me to create and imagine and reimagine. I'm not sure if the place where I belong even exists yet.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    Sure. In regards to my mental health and spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) I feel silenced. I just don't feel like what I'm going through will be accepted or understood or if it even matters. I don't want to be ostracized. I think another part is that I feel like if I confess about what I'm going through then that means I've lost control.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    I do think of myself as resilient. I refuse to give up on myself or fall into despair. I don't wanna lose myself or give in to what is expected of me. If no one else believes in me, I know that I have myself. To me, being resilient means picking yourself up. It means believing in yourself when no one else does. It means continuing to fight against whatever obstacle you may be facing.

  • What is a daily challenge for you?

    Living with PTSD is a daily challenge for me. It exists in my body and my life in such vivid, persistent ways and has made being a student, employee, friend, and a generally functional human being such a trial. It's an interesting challenge because it's not something that's easy to grow accustomed to. Flashbacks come out of nowhere, anxiety-related body sensations occur without warning and it (weirdly enough) feels like I live with something that I always have to think about. Like having a pet or a child, I feel like I have to be aware of the fact that I am responsible for something now- my trauma. And since I, for the most part, don't feel comfortable talking about my mental health or find a lot of comfort in survivor solidarity/ the survivor community, a daily challenge I face is dealing with my PTSD very much alone.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    I do think of myself as resilient. I think I'm a lot of bad things and some good things, but I know I'm resilient. I guess in its most basic form resilience to me means survival and recovery, but I've grown to understand resilience as meaning thriving rather than surviving.

    Where do you see yourself/your stories represented?

    I don't know a lot about my background because one of my parents was very absent so I see myself and my stories in poetry and art, vague yet personal enough that I feel connected and like I can relate, even if I'm not even sure why.

    What brings you comfort?

    Many things bring me comfort but I think the thing that brings me the most comfort is being on good terms with my friends and family. The people in my life are very important to me and knowing/feeling that connection brings me the most comfort. And food.

  • Where do you see yourself/your stories represented?

    Anytime someone talks about trauma, migration, sexual assault, mass incarceration, difficult relationships, my ears and heart listen deeper because pieces of my stories connect to those words. I don't often feel represented. This is mostly because I live in between. My heart is always in between the U.S. and Guatemala. I can feel, see and hear my younger cousins faces and giggles in my dreams. I can hear my passed Abuela telling my everything will be okay. My understanding of my trauma is about redemption and forgiveness, it is about my faith and those who have walked with and around me on that path. My relationship to art and healing is so specific to how I see the world and what I envision for a liberatory future. I know there are many who have experienced similar things or feel similarly, but I want to see them more and hear about their stories more.

    What is a daily challenge for you?

    I feel very challenged by capitalism. I am challenged by the subtle need to work and be productive every second of every day. The normalization in our society of being numb to your deep emotions, desires, and body. I feel upset that a routine revolved around work and production is more valued than a routine revolved around your well being and communal care ethic. I want to name that this challenge is more internal than external. I have family who have more external systemic challenges, and I want to name that I am aware of my privilege to live the life I live currently and to have gone to college, when I know many people whose struggles are far worse.

    Are there any ways in which you refuse to conform? If so, what do you resist?

    I refuse to conform into someone who lives life as if every interaction is a transaction. I refuse to conform to traditional European beauty standards. I refuse to conform to the idea that there is one way to love someone. I refuse to conform to ideas that success is a nuclear family, large salary career, and home in the suburbs. I resist the ways people box me in. I resist what others assume about me or qualify my worth as. I resist structural racism and hatred toward anyone "other." And I resist the notion that my organizing or activism has to look a certain way to be 'right.' I also resist the notion that healing is not an integral part to a movement or that spirituality isn't crucial to movement work.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    Resilience to me is rooted in how supported a person is in their community and life. I grew up in an anarchist catholic collective of Guatemalan refugees fleeing the civil war. Our community is how I understand resilience. I am resilient because of those who have held me all together.

  • What feels most urgent to you right now?

    Money, or at least the ability to take care of myself. That's one thing that's most urgent to me. The top three would be: money, education, and legacy. What am I gonna leave behind that is substantial, important or significant. My education is important but also it's hard to obtain because I lack the funds, and it goes right back to money so money, money, money, money, money.

    In what environments do you feels most comfortable?

    I feel most comfortable close to the sea, or alone. It changes. Sometimes I like being in the city. Somewhere where I don't feel obligated to be doing something. Like being in bed with someone I'm extremely comfortable with or in love with, not really doing anything, just there.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    Yeah! Plenty of times honestly. When I go to a function or an art show and everyone on the bill is white then I feel silenced and overlooked. When I see this I feel silenced because it's bias, there's favoritism towards one thing and it's totally overlooking the rest, whether it be myself or anyone else, in their pursuits or artwork. Not only do I feel silenced I feel very frustrated because it's apparent this thing is happening, has happened before and no one has really done anything about it.

    What does it mean to be an American?

    For me an American is someone who doesn't necessarily have to be born and raised in America. You could come to this country seeking the "freedoms" it provides, and it's still more freedom or opportunities than other countries. Being an American is coming here to pursue a better life whether it's for yourself or for your children. Being raised in Queens there was a lot of influences on me growing up, especially because it is one of the most diverse counties in the world. We have numerous cultures all coming into one place. Being from New York and seeing all these different immigrants, all these different people speaking different tongues, being American for me is just someone who came to this country seeking something

  • In what environments do you feel most comfortable?

    I would say diverse environments. Environments that have diversity whether diversity in opinion, diversity in ethnicity, diversity in culture, diversity in race. Also not just diversity but environments that are welcoming to different points of view, different ways of looking at the world, and different ways of expressing oneself.

    Where do you see yourself or your stories represented?

    That's a very hard question because I'm thinking, media representation, I don't really find my stories there. The more I listen to other people's stories I hear parts of my story in theirs. I see myself in human stories; stories of migration, stories of perseverance, stories of loss, stories of love and sex.

    Do you ever feel silenced?

    I feel like my voice is not the one most represented. I always have to speak up louder, I have to know more, I have to speak in a certain way for my voice to be heard.

    What does it mean to be an American?

    As an immigrant myself, I've always seen being American to mean someone who adheres to certain principles or values that are supposedly described in a certain constitution. However, those values are not always practiced justly in real life. I feel like being American is a different experience. It's a weird thing to think about, looking at it comparing to whether you are African or European or Asian, there's something ambiguous about it, you can't really pinpoint what it is but it's more like something you want to be. Like they can be better than their fathers and mothers, and they need to realign old centuries of injustice, oppression and inequality. Though the history of this country is not perfect and it's still not perfect, I still love being part of the American society with all its flaws.

  • How would you describe yourse!f?

    The most common theme when I describe myself is magic. Angel, pixie, fairy, these reflect my feelings of otherness and being unreal as well as how I think others see me. I float between transcendence of my everyday identity and sinking deeply into the traits that make me who I am. Some days I am fearless and fierce, avenging angel of blazing light. Stubborn, graceless, incautious, but still burning with something that pushes me further into aliveness. Some days I am lost, inhuman and missing the pieces others see and love in me. Sweet sometimes, snarky humor, a good listener and friend. I feel like I'm describing my reflection in a mirror, I can't ever truly see myself.

    In what communities are you most accepted?

    I feel so passive in the communities I consider myself to be part of, mostly I stay connected through the internet and blogs but I'm still working on being confident physically stepping into those spaces or publicly acknowledging my place in them. I identify as queer and belonging to the LGBTQIA community, as well as being chronically ill/disabled and being part of that community. As I work on being more accepting of myself, knowing I have receptive and inviting communities waiting for me when I'm ready to have a more real presence in them is so important.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    I've only recently felt that I could speak about my health and disabilities, there's definitely a backlash where everyone is kind of waiting for you to get better and are relieved when it's "over", but then when it's not over it's hard to hold space for conversations about feelings. It's tiring and depressing to talk about chronic illness on both sides. I'm not holding a grudge at anyone for not knowing what to say or not opening a dialogue but I feel like starting at a young age I would get shut down just talking about symptoms, much less complex feelings about being ill. It's been difficult opening up and trusting that others are willing to listen to what my reality is like without them viewing it as an admission of failure or having no hope. I'm way beyond seeing my disabilities in black & white but I think that's difficult to do from the outside.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I would describe myself as a sensual (in all aspects of the word) Virgo who is fiercely loyal to my people and my work. I think big and deeply feel that the world should and *can* be better because people deserve peace within their bodies and souls.

    What do you fear?

    I fear a lot of things. I fear letting people down or betraying their trust. I fear not doing or fighting enough to protect people. I fear not doing it well enough. I fear falling down the stairs as I walk up them - but not down them. I fear spiders because I think they are loyalists who are out to avenge all the spiders I murdered in August 2015. I fear my parents finding out I'm queer. I fear roller coasters. I fear for the future of this planet and whether it will implode from climate change and capitalist inaction. I fear losing my mind from people gaslighting me, and anything that feels remotely similar to losing my mind/current levels of sensibilities. Maybe this is fear or its mild PTSD, but either way.

    Where do you see yourself/your stories represented?

    I see myself most represented by radical South Asian collectives like CDYR and DRUM-NYC that practice transformative justice work and deeply relational popular education. I see myself most represented at garbas and watching modern Bollywood movies with progressive characters and independent leading ladies.

    What does it mean to be an American?

    To be an American means to be assimilated into this country's everyday culture and flow of energy. To not constantly be thinking about now you don't belong here, even if you sometimes remember that people don't believe that you do. To be an American is to have lived here in the US and have your sense of self be shaped by your experiences of this place.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I would describe myself as a badass babe for sure. I'm constantly craving new experiences, especially in regards to traveling. I'm also fairly insecure, my history of self loathing and severe eating disorders runs pretty deep. People often are surprised of my history because I am plus size, fat, whatever you want to call it. They don't understand that I am more than my appearance. That you can be sick at any size. I think I come off as pretty confident to the outside world, and to some extent I do feel that inside me, but I do have some level of social anxiety. I am incredibly critical of myself. The standards I set for myself are way higher than the standards I set for those around me. I would also say I'm an intellectual who loves academia. I am really opinionated, fiercely loyal to my friends, and a creative person.

    Where do you see yourse!f/your stories represented?

    I think instagram is a huge place where I see stories similar to mine represented. I also would say now that I am part of a real life body-positive community that I see myself or parts of myself represented. I feel like I am hardly represented in fashion or in most mainstream media platforms like movies and television.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    I feel like no one wants to talk about the heroin epidemic in the United States. I feel like to some extent there is a culture of silence around this. I felt really silenced when my friend Chandler died of a heroin overdose because no one wanted to talk about that aspect of it. It felt constricting. Also as a Jewish woman I feel silenced because it's a weird place to be since many Jewish people are either white passing or identify as white. It becomes an uncomfortable place to be located since Judaism can be viewed as religious, or as cultural, or as racial, or as some combination. Especially with the rise of anti-semitism my place and roll as a Jewish woman seems to be important, but I don't want it to overshadow the struggles of people of color who experience microaggressions and racially charged violence on a daily basis.

    In what ways do you express yourself?

    I love expressing myself through clothing and my style. It's the most obvious and outward expression of myself. I have fun dressing differently and putting together outfits. It helps me feel confident and it helps me feel creative every day.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I am a visionary, a dreamer, a passionate creator and at times a playful, fluttering ball of light. My heart feels deeply and dances alongside others armed with missions conscientizadoras. I feel most myself with other badass femmes, guerreros, chingonxs, rebeldes, mi gente that help fuel my inner fire and become a part of a collective of revolutionary love.

    What is a daily challenge for you?

    My demons come in many forms. They duel daily with self-confidence and self-worth under the cloud of depression and anxiety. My fiery heart can fuel my passion but sometimes my self-doubt shadows my inner flame. Each day is a confrontation with the part of me that degrades and short-sells my dreams and self-fulfillment. Caring community has become a key part to this work, and the more I trust others who fill me up with tender compassion and loving reciprocity, the more I can trust myself to be able to love myself just as deeply.

    Where do you feel the strongest sense of belonging?

    Belonging has always been a complicated concept for me. As a product of the border, with family in the US and in Mexico, and fond memories in both, home is always fragmented. I can feel belonging, however, with folks who understand this, in places that hold and reflect my own complexities and experiences. I love being able to express myself in broken English and Spanish, sharing music and cultural references from both countries, and discussing strategies for liberation. This community comes in many forms and in many places.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    I see myself and the work I am committed to doing as centering resilience. To be resilient means to work through hardship, pain, suffering, in a process of empowerment and reflection.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I am an ambitious joyful young black woman.

    Where do you find support in your daily life?

    My mom. She always writes me asking how my day is, asking me to keep pushing and moving forward despite whatever I am going through. I have a lot of anxiety so her words give me strength to at least try even if I fail.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    I don't know, I am a pretty loud person who says how they feel, but sometimes at work I most definitely do feel silenced. I am the only black person who works my shift and I feel some of my co-workers are really anti-black and even though they won't say it I can feel it. Also being a woman at work is hard because even though I have a couple of female coworkers, some days they aren't there and it makes me feel really uncomfortable in that space.

    Are there any ways in which you refuse to conform? If so, what do you resist?

    I resist people trying to get me to act a certain way around white people which is why I don't have a lot of close white friends. With that, I refuse to tone down my politics because I am talking to someone with conservative views.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    Yes I mean 21 years old I am still here standing despite all that I have gone through; racism, sexism, verbal and sexual abuse. I am resilient because I am still trying to get my college education, still working hard and haven't let any of these things make me give up!

  • What is a daily challenge for you?

    I think my biggest challenge day-to-day would have to be staying focused. I have a tendency to dissociate or get distracted. You'll often find my room/car littered with unfinished to-do lists.

    What do you fear?

    I fear repeating the same mistakes as my mother. I think once you leave home and start exploring what life is like free of an authority's influence you really start to come into your own; form your own opinions, views, morals. My mother is just that, an authority. She has lived entirely independently since 11, she's a self-taught mechanic as well as a licensed cosmetician, bible-carrying born again Christian with a horrible temper. My mother is tough but also closed minded and filled with confused hatred. Although I strive to constantly challenge the fears she instilled in me and to approach the world with open arms and an open heart, I often fear I may as well end up burdened and unhappy.

    In what environments do you feel most comfortable?

    I think I'm most comfortable in diverse environments. I think that's why I like waiting tables and big cities. I like the fast paced, always changing, never stopping aspect of things. Routines bore me; I can't do the same thing every day. I love rapid change; I often think of life as the beautiful chaos one gets to glide through collecting the things that add to their life and discarding those that take away.

    Where do you see yourself/your stories represented?

    I see myself in the stories I read about women from rough families who sacrifice a great deal and work extremely hard to fulfill a dream of stability and goodness for themselves and the families they build. I find solace in relating my story with those of my friends who have been through similar things in their past.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I would describe myself as the descendant of a slave. I don't think it's empowering sometimes when I describe myself as such, but I often do because it's a way for me to connect with something older than me. It's a way for me to tie myself to my history and the realities of my history. People give me problems sometimes for saying that because I'm a descendent of much more, but it gives me power for something that I've usually felt shame in. I also would describe myself as a Black American, which is also something that I would not necessarily take pride in- calling myself an American- but being a Black American means something to me because we're a unique type of people. We have gone through something that is unlike anything in the world. The way that we participate in culture and in the way we participate in society is entirely unique - I'm not just an African and I'm not exactly just American, I'm somewhere in between the two.

    Where do you see yourself or your stories represented?

    My parents always told me, you represent the ten Black boys behind you because they don't get to see many Black boys so once they see you, you represent a community that isn't seen. And even thinking about this point in my life at 21/22, every one out of four of my Black male peers are in prison. So there's literally a group of people I represent that are just not seen. So I don't see myself represented pretty much anywhere; definitely not in art, definitely not in the media.

    When do you feel you're most yourself?

    When I'm rubbing coconut oil on myself and I don't got nowhere to be in like two hours. I'm just in the mirror, physically practicing self love, massaging and stretching and taking my time to get ready. Coconut oil's on me glistening, I can smell myself and I'm touching myself, looking at myself in the mirror and accepting myself. That's when I'm like, Yo you're a beautiful being it's okay you got them stretch marks on your stomach bro'. I feel like it's okay, I realize I'm just a human, I'm never gonna be perfect or whatever. But those moments of literally practicing self love, that's when I really find me.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    I know I'm resilient. Resilient is like getting out of bed everyday, resilient is like taking four hundred losses and seeing nothing bright in your future but still chasing the light anyways. Being resilient is crying and then making tea for yourself, it's as simple as that, the bounce back.

  • When do you feel you are most yourself?

    When I go out in public alone like eating dinner alone or going on a date by myself!

    In what environments do you feel most comfortable?

    In bed or when I'm hugging or cuddling with my friends and loved ones. Or outdoors in a park in Spring. I'm comfortable as long as I feel safe. I like being around animals.

    Where do you find support in your daily life?

    Making art and writing and talking to my friends and doing brujeria in my room.

    Do you think of yourself as resilient? What does being resilient mean to you?

    Yes definitely. To me resilience is having a lot of negative or stressful experiences and being able to draw from them and reflect every day. A lot of people say I live in the past but I think it takes a lot of strength to be able to relive certain experiences every day for the sake of remembering a lesson learned or connecting the dots of why I became who I am and why I am where I am in my life.

    What does it mean to be an American?

    In my opinion being an American means to progress. Especially as an immigrant I feel like being brought up in a first generation household kind of taught me to always remember being underprivileged even when my life gets better. A lot of Americans carry their struggles with them. It's a country full of a lot of stress and sadness but also with that comes a lot of hope. If things are bad, things can only get better. If things used to be bad, it means you've come a long way. Everyone's constantly tracking their progress and I know that it lowkey has to do with capitalism but it's also fascinating how more and more people in this country just want to grow. My generation especially is filled with people who just want to grow into more creative, influential, and decent people, always open to learning.

  • What feels most urgent to you right now?

    For the first time in a long time I am not in an urgent place. I know that where I am, what I am doing and with who is exactly as it should be. I am not planning for the "long run," worried if I am to succeed, or anxious of my purpose. Each day I wake up, I have food, shelter, animals to look after, trees to prune, vineyard to replant, garden to prepare, wild vegetables and mushrooms to harvest and beautiful human beings to learn and grow with.

    What do you fear?

    My fear transforms and morphs into various shapes, but often times it appears in the form of rejection. It's a contradiction to my outgoing personality. I may seem at ease and comfortable in new circumstances, communities and social setting but I always question if I am wanted or if rejection is right around the corner. My fear of rejection stems from losing people close to me at a very young age. The uncertainty of my whereabouts and circumstance has forced a strange survival/adaptation response. In the face of fear of rejection I may act carefree and free floater, too scared to be pinned down and left behind. In the face of fear of rejection I may act controlling, obsessive and clinging, if I don't hold tight it might all float away. In the face of fear of rejection I may act selfish and "miss independent" in case others choose to turn their backs. In the face of fear of rejection I may give and give hoping it will be enough, even if I am drained.

    Where do you feel the strongest sense of belonging?

    In places where I am not judged but understood. I don't feel comfortable in spaces where my life story is taken to be analyzed and boxed so those around me can easily label me.

    What does America represent to you?

    I see it as a country once inhabited by diverse indigenous people who were colonized, enslaved, raped and then wiped out by invading European immigrants. These European immigrants took most for themselves and shoved the remaining original people into corners of the country that are inhabitable. Due to heavy competition with other countries to succeed they stole people from West Africa and used them to grow and develop their international and global economic power. I see America as nothing but false dreams, false sense of freedom, false economic independence and mobility, and false hope for the majority. I see America as the greatest scam.

  • How would you describe yourself?

    I am an artist, healer, woman, warrior.

    What feels most urgent to you right now?

    On the top of my urgency list is molding my craft into its truest form to present it to other people. I intend to help heal with my art, to create a better sense of unity amongst the people. We need unity to overcome most obstacles placed upon us. There's a lot of madness and people will choose to either participate in it or ignore it. With so much mayhem there's not much more to do besides come together to raise the vibrations to create a better world. If not that than what?

    What do you fear?

    I have no fears because fear is created by the self. If I say "I am afraid of spiders" then I am afraid of spiders. If I set a goal or say that I will accomplish something I will do it, fear is a self-created roadblock.

    In what environments do you feel most comfortable? 

    I am most comfortable around other artists. I feel as though we are all exposing ourselves to each other because presenting art is being vulnerable, being open to receiving and giving. In settings like small jam sessions, art shows, mingles, there are many places that artists tend to find each other. I am comfortable with people who are open to the world and everything it has to offer. And also, anywhere Sage and Palo Santo is being burned (like my bedroom).

    When do you feel you are most yourself?

    I am most myself when I am free to be; at home, in art spaces, with friends, anywhere that is not a fixed system (school, work, etc.) I feel like I am to the core of myself while singing. With music, I am free to create any and everything.

    Are there any parts of your life that you feel silenced?

    I do not feel silenced because I have freed myself from all chains once I learned that I am in control of my freedom.

    What does America represent to you?

    America represents a place full of inequality and fake rights. America is a place built on hate, so maybe that's why we just can't get it together. I send out prayers to the earth every day, one day we will see so much improvement.